Sparklers!?

I carry all kinds of things in my teaching bag when I go on a substitution assignment. Besides the obvious planner, lunch, breath mints, and pens, there’s also a timer, a book of short stories, a “find the missing pictures” book, Mad Libs, a whistle, and, since bribing is allowed, a can of Tootsie Rolls and Hershey Kisses. However, today I found that a couple items were missing.

With all the advice I got before starting to sub, no one ever mentioned that I should also come prepared with a set of ear plugs, fireproof coveralls and shaded goggles, but I certainly saw the need for them during this morning’s welding class. Very impressive sparks were spraying across the room in two different directions as one student sanded a triangular piece of flat steel and the other crosscut a steel rod. It was hard to know where to stand so that I would not become tinder. Then, as I looked around the room to make sure everyone was on task, I was nearly blinded by four different welding and cutting torches that were in the hands of teenagers. I won’t even discuss the deafening noise since hearing loss seems rather secondary to being blown up.

Actually, aside from the one student whom the teacher had earmarked as the most responsible person in the class that I stopped from heating his pop tart with an acetylene torch, everyone did stay reasonably productive. Yet, doesn’t the idea of teenagers and torches within the same sentence still seem wrong on so many levels?

“Well, we didn’t start any fires,” I reported to the school secretary as I turned in my keys.

“Then it was a good day,” she replied without looking up or missing a beat. I believe she’s already seen it all and has come to terms with it.

Now, I wonder if fireproof coveralls come in pink?