One Year

One of the last things that Mom asked for was to go home to Aunt Blanche, who raised her after her mom died. I think, no matter how old we get, we always need our moms. It's true for me, anyway; even now.

 

But, when instant gratification isn't possible, the next best thing is to visit them in memory and know that they really aren't all that far away.

 

 

We miss you Mom, but we remember what you taught us. See you soon.



Finding Our Wings

Thanks to gift vouchers from family and each other, Don and I ventured out of our routine a bit this winter and spring. We began well within our comfort zones with weekend excursions to Condon, Portland, and Lincoln City, then timidly ventured into the unknown of San Mateo. Our trips were short, simple, and delineated by time constraints, but served to bring us much needed respite with a touch of adventure.

 

Although Don and I very willingly put portions of our lives on hold over the last sixteen years, it was difficult to also sacrifice visiting our kids in their own homes, some of which we have never seen. In spite of that, they went over and above in their support of us and their grandparents so we are now anxious to begin making that time up to them before we do anything else. Eventually, we will be able to touch base with the rest of our family, as well, and maybe even plan an adventure of our own, but we are quickly finding out that we have to pace ourselves and our budgets. We hope everyone will be patient with us as we play catch up.

 

 

Our trips thus far have been good learning experiences, though, which have made us more confident with airports, car rentals, and Google map navigation. I might even be able to single-handedly purchase a plane ticket now without clutching the arm of one of my kids lest they leave and I make a wrong decision. Also, once Don has retired, it will be easier to work around my subbing schedule so that we have fewer time constraints.

 

 

In the meantime, we savor what we’ve done so far and continue to budget and to plan. Our wings are a bit rusty, but they still seem to work so, look out! One of these days, probably after you’ve given up on us, we might land in your neighborhood to see what you’re up to.

Happy Birthday Jeremy

We love you!

You Are So Beautiful to Me

 

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, MOM!! I love you.

Happy Birthday, Danielle!

A sensitive mind sees outside the box;

An artistic spirit guides creative hands.

Attuned to giving, seeking peace;

A kind heart thoughtfully understands.

Obsession or Creativity?

Here’s my latest project:  a calendar. Not a big deal, but it gives me something fun to do on the computer, which keeps me from going insane, and the final product is actually helpful. I’m quite pleased with the layout and design; plenty of room to write, breaks up the month visually, and includes lots of my favorite pictures. Yes, there are many other things that I should be doing instead, but, oh well.

I have lots of little things to keep my hands and mind occupied during the slower hours of caregiving. I blog, I read, I play with graphics, I photograph, I scrapbook, I pull weeds, I knit and I bake. Even though taking care of someone and making yourself continually available is definitely a great accomplishment and fulfilling in and of itself, having little projects around that are fun (do NOT insert "housekeeping" here) keeps me from feeling trapped and adds a sense of creativity and visible accomplishment to the day.

I wonder if this also explains Mom's determination to do certain things, as well. Maybe she works her crosswords, reads, and continually reorganizes different little areas of her room because she is bored and feeling trapped, too. Until now, I had thought of our roles as being opposite, but maybe caregiving and being cared for are, in  some ways, parallel paths.

What Matters

In our neck of the woods the new year dawned at a clear, crisp eight degrees and was up to a whopping twelve above zero by lunchtime. The sun shone on the ice-covered branches that sparkled against the blue sky and, in between popping in and out of Mom’s room to help her now and then, I leisurely snapped some pictures on this lovely, lazy day. Little did I know that the day would soon change.

Earlier in the week we had learned of the sudden death of my cousin, Shari, on Christmas Eve morning. We spent the ensuing days trying to grasp this unexpected news as memories flooded us. I tried to focus on the thought of her spending Christmas with the very One whose birth we were celebrating. We spent New Years Eve, the day of her funeral service, in prayer so that we might join the family in spirit.

Because of our loss, the first day of 2011 seemed even more like a beginning. We had had a reminder of the sanctity of life and the choice to live it whole heartedly and with humor and love, the way Shari had, and the radiant day seemed to invite us to do just that. Then we heard a double thump on the monitor that links us to Mom when she is in her room followed by her voice calling me. Sure enough, she had fallen. Hanging on to her walker while she reached sideways to pick up a Kleenex off her bed, she lost her delicate balance and tipped over. Somehow, in that narrow, carpeted space between the closet and her bed she scraped her head against something that left an inch-long gouge. A quick trip to the emergency room resulted in a CAT scan to make sure hidden blood vessels were not disturbed and then four staples closed the gap in her scalp. Of course, that took most of the afternoon and we trudged home with much less verve than we had started the day. Although Mom was muttering that she had gone without any makeup on and was appalled at the look of her matted hair when she got home, we were thankful that things were not worse and reassured her that she was not bound for a nursing home. I went to bed hoping for a New Years Day do-over; that this little mishap was not a premonition of things to come. Sure enough, today was better.

Every summer, when we go back to take care of Mom’s house and yard, we visit two of her best friends that are still alive and living in a retirement complex. I have spoken before of their humorous visits in which I am called upon to repeat everyone’s sentences so they can hear better. Last year, we did not get everyone together because Mom was not up to it in June, and her pacemaker surgery kept us from going back. Over Christmas Jen devised a plan for them to have a long distance visit over Skype and recruited a family friend who works at the retirement complex to help us. Today that visit took place and was every bit as hysterical and heart warming as ever. They laughed over age and mixed up memories, they talked over one another and relied on me for repetition and interpretation, they told our friend he was cute, and they waved and told each other good bye and that they loved and missed each other until I finally closed the connection. Their sounds of earnest sincerity will always be with me; a lesson in treasured friendship that I will never forget.

The end of 2010 and the beginning of 2011 has certainly been a time of transition for us. We are different. Things around us are different. We will sorely miss the good things of before, the people and lives that were so familiar and safe, but we have been reminded not to be afraid of what’s ahead. There will be moments of stumbling, but we still have each other to reach for and the light of friendship and love to guide us. Happy New Year to us all. May we live it with as much joy as possible.

Ho, Ho, Ho

Last weekend I joined my shopping buddies in Portland for round the clock fun. We wear out sooner than we did when we started this tradition thirty years ago, but I'm pleased to announce that I can still do a mean mall walk. Jennifer, Sarah, and Danielle joined us at different times. It was really nice to connect with them, but it meant that they had to track us down by cell phone and try to pin us down to a meeting place. It's probably a little like trying to herd cats. As always, they were patient with us and good sports about wearing Betty's "Christmas Crowns" that she says spread cheer and help her find us in the stores when she's lost. We took a moment to let Sarah and Danielle entertain us with their wall climbing and bouldering. They had it worked out with management to give us turns, but we settled instead for taking pictures of them in action. Maybe next year.

I apologize to the family members that I neglected to call. Time always zooms by and I had more trouble than usual keeping my phone charged. We kept ourselves pretty busy hopping between shopping centers and individual stores scattered around the area, trying to at least find the things we could only get in the city. I still have some online ordering to do and some local shopping, but I can breath a little easier. The place where we stayed set up a wrapping room complete with Christmas paper, bows, labels, ribbon, scissors, and tape so we spent our last evening wrapping about half of our packages.

Here Danielle is tutoring Betty in a shirt folding trick that takes a certain flick of the wrist. After giving everyone individual lessons, they practiced on their own clothes the rest of the evening and the next morning when we packed up to leave. I guess we're pretty easily entertained.

Now it's time for the hot tub! What a group. We have so much fun every year, we have come to realize that it is less about the shopping and more about the personal connections. Each of us has had our share of difficult moments, but no matter where life takes us, we always have this time set aside for each other; a time for wise cracks, silliness, commiserating, and fun with a little shopping, eating, and margaritas on the side. Get ready! Only 364 days until we're back!

A Celebration

Time. It's easy to take it for granted. Wasn't it only last week that I sat in her lap in the middle of the night, my pulsating ear up against her chest while she waited with me for morning when we could go to the clinic for some relief? And I'm sure it was just yesterday that she told me she would dry the dishes so that I could go on out and play before the summer evening was over since being a kid didn't last very long. She made my wedding dress, held my babies while they slept, and silently prayed us through every uncertainty of life. Mom, we are not just celebrating your birthday; we celebrate YOU.

Happy Birthday, Jeremy!

A contagious wit, a social nature;

A creative eye and a generous role.

A sensitive heart, an analytical mind;

Measured risks and a patient soul.

Thinking Back

I can't believe that Danielle's 1st Thursday art show was ten days ago already. It seems like I just got back. She will be updating her website (click here if you need the URL) soon with pictures of her work. In the meantime, I have posted quite a few memories of the evening on my family blog (K-Kids Family Fun).

The evening was beautiful and warm. Sarah and I rode the trolley the fourteen blocks from her place to Urban Studios to save ourselves the hassle of finding parking. Later, when I was about ready to fold for the night, I bid the girls, who were going to hit the dance floor, adieu and begged a ride to Sarah's apartment from Larry and Dan. Although Larry forewarned me that they had been unable to find a close parking spot, I still thought it better to be with someone than walk alone after dark. Ironically, by the time we got to Larry's car, he only had to drive me four blocks or less to my destination.

At least he had warned me though, right? In Rome he promised me once, at the end of a VERY long day of walking, that we only had five blocks to go before we'd be at the hotel. It was near the end of our three week Lorenzo Fitness Tour and by evening my feet were tender and, until we took a dinner break, I was running on borrowed steam. After silently congratulating myself for making it past what I counted as three very l-o-n-g city blocks, Larry, who was always brimming with energy (like the Ever Ready Bunny to which Don likens him) turned around to us and declared with way too much glee, "One!" Gasping in disbelief, I swung my arm in a futile attempt to clobber him, but he had anticipated a disgruntled response and danced out of my reach. Eventually my ruffled feathers were soothed with mention of gelato.

Ah, yes; good memories. And Danielle's art show will be another. It was great to see Jen, Sarah, and Danielle all dressed up and happy and to be a small part of the evening's fun. Now it is back to the day-to-day stuff for all of us, yet, in the midst of the doldrum, it is really nice to be able to mentally transport back in time long enough to recharge with a smile. Thanks for letting me tag along!

Where Are the Fireworks?

Fourth of July? This couldn’t possibly be the Fourth of July; it’s far too quiet! I didn’t hear any canon blasting the start of breakfast in the city park at 6 a.m. Where’s the parade with the fire engines draped with children and the solemn color guard? No chalk art decorates the downtown sidewalks. No free snowcones are being given away. Children aren’t racing, hunting for coins, or swimming for free and go-carts aren’t escaping the hay bale barriers. There’s no sign of a street dance, sparklers, or fireworks anywhere. And what’s a Fourth of July without a barbeque, family chatter, and homemade ice cream?

There is none of that here in our little town like there is where I grew up, but we just didn’t have the umph to go there this year. I always think that I won’t miss it because of all the effort we have to go to, but, alas, I do. Happy Hard-Won Freedom Day, America. Treasure it always.

Celebrating Danielle

We love you! (Slide show here)

Happy Birthday, Jennifer

Since I am having trouble posting the slideshow, please click on the link below to view it:

We love you, Jen!

Skyping

Little by little we are becoming more entrenched in technology. Although not nearly as electronically fluent as our kids, we have, nevertheless, toddled into the twenty-first century in a few ways. Our latest venture is with Skype, a free video conferencing system available over internet.

Mom has had more success with the speaker feature of our latest wireless phones than ever before, but I hoped that video calling would work even better. My goal was for her to have an easier time conversing with family because she would be able to see faces and read lips. Indeed, the back and forth dialog goes more smoothly because Mom can see when the other person is beginning to speak so that she doesn’t try to talk at the same time and she can understand them better because of being able to read lips as well as hear them speak. The added bonus has been that she can now also enjoy the great grandkids more now too. Whenever they wander into the room, they will stop in front of the webcam and wave and say something to her and she can respond back easily. It is so much more natural and carefree than being told to “say something” on the phone. It makes me realize that exchanging smiles can be much more valuable than exchanging mere words. The whole essence of each person comes through so much better when we can experience body language and facial expressions.

Of course, as with anything else, there are some difficulties. Mom’s biggest concern was how she looked. “Oh! They can SEE me? But, I don’t have any makeup on yet!” she protested the first time. That can be a drawback alright. It won’t do to accept a video call in your underwear, although Mom gave Coletta quite a start once by appearing with a mud mask still on her face. It certainly was worth a good laugh, and we can always use more of those. I think Skype is here to stay.

Just a Reminder to Relax and Have Fun!

Sometimes I stress out trying to make things too perfect, which is utterly impossible in my world, so this is a reminder to myself that being together and having fun is really the whole point. Mishaps will add to the humor and everything else will slip into place when it is supposed to. Merry Christmas!
TSO Wizards in Winter 2007

What Do You Expect?

Today is the first day of Advent, a four-week season of preparation less well known secularly than Lent, but my favorite nonetheless. For Catholics, it is the new years day of the liturgical calendar. As we prepare to celebrate the birth of Christ, we also remind ourselves that there is preparation to be done for His return. Preparation, in this sense, refers to personal reassessment and change, an uncomfortable notion that usually makes me wrinkle my nose and groan. However, just as Christmas preparations can be drudgery, sending out cards, putting up lights, spending hard-earned money, and baking, baking, baking, it can also be inspiring. We hear from people who live far away, neighbors bring scrumptious goodies to share, carolers sing at our door, family makes time to spend together, people vocalize appreciation of one another,and even strangers wish each other peace. Whatever we believe Christmas is becomes the foundation for what we expect from it, and I believe our expectations spur us on to doing our part to make it happen.

Since "expectation" is the theme of this first week of Advent, I leave you with a little motivation and, hopefully, a smile.

Holiday Essence

The beds are all clean

And so is the floor.

We’re ready for kids

To come in the door.

The turkey is stuffed,

The potatoes are creamy;

The rolls are homemade

And dessert is quite dreamy.

Cookie dough ice cream

And mint chocolate chip,

One pumpkin pie and

A cheesecake with whip.

We’ll roll from the table

And take a quick nap,

Drink wine for digestion,

Then look for a snack.

Play games, work a puzzle,

It matters not what;

The best of Thanksgiving

Is the family we’ve got.

A Wednesday Drive

A week ago yesterday, as I traveled along the Columbia River Gorge on my way home from an unexpected trip to the city, I couldn't help but admire the beauty of an area that I often take for granted. Five days earlier, the trip down had been less than inspiring since I was battling torrential rains, as only a mother can, to get to my children.

Although they are perfectly capable of handling just about everything, Jennifer's diagnosis of H1N1 and Pneumonia was more than I could stay away from; that old mother lion instinct does not diminish over time. Sarah and Danielle had everything under control, but, well...you know...I could at least cook for them, or clean something, or get in their way. As it was, while Danielle was at work I contented myself with making sure medicine was taken, finishing laundry, carrying water glasses up and down the stairs, and hovering in the doorway, as I'd often done with all the kids when they were little, making sure Jen was breathing.

Anyhoo, the little pickup Danielle is using had some issue and wanted to come home with me for a checkup so I traded vehicles and drove home at a careful 58 mph. Bearing in mind that the freeway speed limit is 65 mph, that's one slo-o-o-ow trip home. I had many hours, especially through construction zones, to admire Oregon scenery. This particular section, where some of the worst weather often rares an ugly head as it had on my way down, is breathtaking in the fall when the river along one side of the road and the mountains on either side provide smoky blue backdrops to the vivid colors of the deciduous forest that creates a stunning corridor. On this day, low clouds added a mystical quality to the whole scene.

Tonka Tym and I made it home safely, and left three coughing, but resilient girls behind. Between Danielle's massive decontamination efforts before I got there, and all our efforts to maintain sterile conditions, I did not bring the flu back to Don and Mom. It certainly is nothing to mess with; even the cough of the lessor version caused Sarah to pull a muscle in her back, Jeremy to crack a rib, and Danielle to have an elderly lady run away from her in the store.

The pictures I took on this trip remind me of the daily beauty inherent in life that I often stumble past in a fog of routine, to-do lists, and distraction. The combination of power and delicacy in texture, color, and design represent the power and delicacy of the relationships for which I am eternally grateful to have in my life. Gratefulness is not just for Thanksgiving Day. Take care of yourselves.