Friday, July 24, 2009

Enough is Enough, Isn't It?

But, when is it? Really. When is enough enough? More specifically, when do I stop wanting more?

For instance, no matter how long my vacation is, when I see it coming to a close I get that same gut-twisting, wistful feeling that adding just one more day would be better, would make the end of it easier to take. Yet, one more day only begets the wish for another. For me, this same weakness is apparent in the purchasing of shoes and art supplies, especially with a sale. Why is “just enough” not enough for me? Just enough seems to mean that I could easily run out and must horde what I have, whereas, “more than enough” means I’m good for awhile and can afford to enjoy my wealth. Just enough shrimp on my plate to fill me up without overfilling me leaves me wondering if I shouldn’t be able to have a few more to make sure. Make sure of what? That I won’t have room for ice cream later? That I increase the size of my girth beyond bursting? What am I thinking?

Yesterday I ordered a new pair of glasses after my eye exam. Instead of just replacing the lens on my old glasses, I decided to also get new frames so that I could have a fall-back pair. I was also afraid that the old ones would soon start falling apart; all legitimate concerns stemming from issues I had dealt with before, though admittedly still a splurge. I went in just wanting a basic pair of bifocal lenses, but was bombarded with quite a few options: ones that were made in a more technologically accurate way, ones that were thinner and lighter weight, ones that had night vision coatings, and ones that were transition lenses that darken in the sun. Of course, each option had its own price tag so I humbly mumbled my no thanks and left feeling somewhat bereft for what I didn’t have rather than thankful for what I did. Just enough didn’t seem to be enough any more.

I have to argue that perhaps wanting more isn’t always bad. Wanting more good health, more love, more companionship, more education, more ways to serve seem like positive motivations. Wanting more pushed me into going back to college, into staying home when my kids were little, and into caregiving; things that are huge positives in my life. Wanting to learn more made me a better student and wanting a real relationship with God made me a better Christian because I made better choices. However, even in such admirable desires, I fear there lurks the possibility of going too far, wanting too much or for the wrong reasons, never being satisfied. For instance, wanting more love is fine until I go too far to get it or until I pin more importance on the need for others to love me rather than on my own self-approval. Wanting to be a good student must be balanced against the ravages of stress. Wanting more good health can motivate me to make some very positive changes in my life, but could I take also it too far?

I think wanting more must be part of the human condition. Isn’t that what we see in the story of Adam and Eve? If this is good, then a little bit more would be better. Too many times this concept has certainly filled my closets, doubled my waist-size, and diverted my spirit from one of thanksgiving to one of disgruntlement. So I am going to double my efforts once again to take a small page out of St. Francis’ book on simplicity and focus on being happy with just enough. And, although more could be said, this is enough.

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